Stop Bullies in Asheville NOW!

A free community resource designed to empower our children. This is a White Oak Martial Arts Project.

The Kids Teaching Kids Anti-Bully Project

The Stop Bullies in Asheville NOW! Project works by empowering children.  One of the best ways to do this is to have kids take ownership of the issue of bullying and to educate other kids about what bullying is, why it is bad, and what they can do about it in a civilized manner.

How does this work?

How this program works is simple.  We give the kids in this program the education, resources, and materials to do a presentation in their classrooms at school or any groups that they belong to such as a church group.

Why is this a good idea?

When somebody takes a stand for something it is powerful.  It's one thing, and a very good thing, for parents and educators to teach kids about not bullying but it's something even better when kids themselves are taking a stand against this (and for that matter any other) kind of abuse.

So what now?

If you are interested in taking part in this program for your class or group just contact Derek Croley at 828-713-0765 or email dctai@bellsouth.net.

He will provide you with not only the materials that you need for free, but also the education and personal support that you need to get this started.

Together we can make a difference!

On bullying.

Stopping the Bully

It is an unfortunate fact that many if not most kids and even adults these days are victims of bullies.  Here are a few thoughts on how you can effectively deal with bullies.  

Why is a Bully a Bully?

Bullying takes place when somebody isn’t sure of their position in the social group or wishes to improve their perceived position in the social group.  This social uncertainty can come from any aspect of the bully’s life, but what it boils down to is that  the bully lacks self esteem.  This lack of self esteem causes the bully to attempt to gain power over other people that they think are good targets. 

“Good targets” can be

  • people that the bully perceives as weaker or inferior,
  • people that the bully is envious of, 
  • people that the bully wishes to be friends with but tries to do so inappropriately or
  • people that the bully has romantic feelings towards but lacks the self confidence to approach appropriately.

So how do you Bully Proof Yourself?

First remember that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Just because a bully has selected you does not mean that you are "less" in any way.  The bully is the one with the problem, unfortunately you have to deal with some if it. Try to figure out which of these items, or combination thereof, is the reason that applies to your bully.

If the Bully perceives you as weak.

Take some steps to build your self confidence. This doesn’t mean that you become a bully yourself; it means that you change the things about yourself that can be perceived as weak.  Believe it or not, your physical stature is not a factor. First, I strongly recommend that you enroll in a quality Martial Arts, Dance, Gymnastics, or other such Program.  Getting really good at something is a great way to make new friends and build your self confidence.  A strong person is one who believes in him or herself. A strong person has self confidence.

Self confidence means that you develop the ability to have a stable social standing, making you an unlikely target for a bully.  Even if you are targeted you have the confidence to deal with it effectively. More on this later.

With that said here are some simple things to practice.

1. Improve your posture. People with self confidence stand up straight.  Bully’s look for people with low self confidence.

2. Make eye contact. People with self confidence make solid eye contact with others. Play this game:  smile and make brief eye contact with people until they blink or move somehow. This needs to take place quickly and in a way that the other person doesn’t really notice that it’s happening.  This establishes your position of dominance.

3. Smile pleasantly. People with self confidence smile. Not in a weird forced way, but in an easy, pleasant manner.

4. Pay attention to your clothes.   Wear clean clothes to school and wear them in an way that is socially acceptable to your peers. Most importantly, wear them in a way that you like and feel comfortable and confident in.  Remember, you don't have to pay top dollar for what you wear.  Asheville has several excellent thrift stores where you can get practically anything. In fact, you don't need to buy anything- there are tons of websites about how to make old clothes and hand-me-downs look good.

5. Don’t try to be cool.  Just be you. As Abe Lincoln said, it is “Better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.”  In this case, this means to speak if you have something to add,  but don’t fake knowledge, an accent or vernacular.  Don’t try to be something you are not by saying things just to fit in, this only proves you to be a fool. Be genuine in your speech.

6. Understand your faults, but look at your strengths. What this means is look at and know all the reasons that you are a valuable and worthwhile person.  The bully thinks that you are weak, but the bully doesn’t have to be right.  He is only right if you think he is right.

If a Bully is Envious of You.

Sometimes somebody will bully you because you are smarter, better looking, have better fashion sense, have more money, more friends, get better grades, are liked by somebody the bully wants to be liked by, or whatever other thing the bully can think of.  The bully secretly, or not so secretly, wants your social position.

In these situations there are a few actions you can take.  First, do everything mentioned above. Next,

1. Don’t care. The bully is the one that is envious, not you.  They are the ones with the problem.  Sometimes, by acknowledging his or her attempts to bully you, you put the bully on the map- you lend credence to what the bully has to say. It could be that the bully is simply beneath you in this area. This may not be PC, but it is true.

2. Help the Bully. In some cases, you can take the bully under your wing and kindly give the bully tips to improve in whatever their area of concern is.

If the bully wishes to be friends with you but tries to do so inappropriately.

If this is the case the bully already thinks you’re cool but doesn’t know the right way to go about being your friend.  Here’s what you do.

1. If you think this person has potential as a friend, confront him or her politely.  Use humor (not at the bully’s expense) to politely point out that the bully’s approach is not right, but if a friendship is possible perhaps you could suggest a different way to go about it.  It is my recommendation that you do this casually and publically in a way that you do not lose face and neither does the bully.  Perhaps sitting around with a group of friends at lunch?  Respectfully bring the now former bully to a place beneath you in the social order so that you can politely and compassionately offer corrections until you are comfortable with the former bully’s social skills enough to be equal friends. Do not use this opportunity to be a bully yourself, be a leader.

2. If you think there is no chance that this person could be your friend, confront him or her politely. But this time do it privately and politely so nobody loses face.  If you think it is possible that the bully may become violent with this bad news, have backup available close by.  If the bully doesn’t take this well in other non-physical ways, display social dominance by making eye contact, having good posture, smiling pleasantly, and being polite to a fault, especially if the bully says mean things around others in an attempt to anger you.  If the bully attempts demeaning humor directed at you, be overly polite while completely ignoring the childish rudeness.

If the bully is romantically interested in you and displays it inappropriately.

In the event that the bully is romantically interested in you would take the same steps outlined above for establishing a friendship, but be especially careful.  DO NOT even consider allowing the bully into your social group or accept the bully’s advances if you get even the slightest hint that the bully is violent or will mistreat, abuse, or in any other way be mean to you.  Life is too short to put up with that garbage.

A good way to know if the bully will be mean to you is to look at how he or she treats other people, other peoples belongings, and even their own things.  If the bully is not respectful of others or themselves, they will not be respectful of you.  Don’t go near them.

If you feel that you are in some way unable to tell the bully no by yourself, get a group of your friends together to back you up.  With them standing behind and next to you, respectfully and politely tell the bully to please stop his or her inappropriate behavior.  Do not be mean and do not be aggressive in tone. Your friends don’t have to say anything. Their show of support will be enough.

Bully Stopping Strategies

Keeping all of the above information in mind, here are some thoughts on specific strategies that you can use to deal effectively with the bully.  Remember, these need to be done consistently.

1. Talk to the Bully.  If somebody is bullying you tell them right then and there that you do not appreciate what they are saying.  Say something like, "Why are you being mean?  Please stop that."

2. Tell your parents.  There is actually a lot that they can do to help you.  First, they need to inform the school that this is taking place and then document the dates and times and who they talked to at the school.  Second, your parents need to tell your teacher that this is taking place and document it as well. With this kind of documented contact you will still get in trouble if you get into a fight, but at least the school knows what is happening and you are less likely to be labeled as a trouble maker and more likely to have the sympathy of the school staff. Third, it may or may not be appropriate for your parents to talk to the parents of the bully.  Fourth, once again, I strongly recommend that your parents get you involved in a quality martial arts program that focuses on building self confidence.  Parents, look at this blog post to see if your child is being bullied.

No matter what always tell your parents so that they can help you as best they can. 

3. Tell your teacher. Bullying is a big deal in all of the schools in WNC, so your teachers not only want to help you, they have the tools to do it. For example, your teacher can strategically place you away from the bully, so the bully never gets a chance to bully you in school. Telling your teacher will help you a lot and is not tattling.

4. Tell your friends. Your friends can have your back.  If somebody is bullying you ask your friends to tell the bully to stop and that what the bully did wasn’t cool. You and your friends need to back each other up on a constant basis, having a friend tell the bully one time isn’t good enough.  You and your friends need to back each other up every time the bully tries to bully you. A group is always stronger than an individual.

5. Ignore the bully. If it is possible to socially shun the bully do it. This means that when the bully tries to get into your head verbally or with whatever action you completely ignore him or her.  It is even better if you can get your friends to shun the bully as well.

6. Avoid the bully. I do recommend this.  If it is possible to not walk past the bully then there doesn’t need to be a problem in the first place.

7. Just walk away.  This needs to be done correctly so as not to be counterproductive.    As stated above, bullying is about social order, or pack behavior.  The lower animal in the pack in the one that tucks its head and walks away. When you just walk away without exhibiting any self confident behavior you have issued an open invitation to be bullied at will.  You are acting like a victim. Don’t walk away from the bully, walk past the bully. Walking past the bully works when you

  • Genuinely do not care about the bully and what he or she has to say. You cannot pretend to not care, you must be genuinely apathetic towards the bully.  Basically, they are beneath your notice and don’t even register on your radar.
  • Have enough self confidence to be stronger than the bully. The idea is that you are so much higher in the pack or social order that the bully is being silly by even considering challenging you.  By having more self confidence you have good posture, make eye contact and smile charmingly at the bully as you say nothing and don’t even stop walking.
  • *** In either case, do not walk away from the bully, walk past the bully.

8. Use Comedy. If you are a funny person it is possible to make a joke out of the situation.  As you do this, consider the fact that it is not a good idea to make fun of the bully in your comedy, when you make fun of somebody you are just acting like a bully yourself.

9. Agree with the bully. With a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye, while making eye contact with the bully, agree with his or her unkind remark.  “You’re ugly and you smell like a goat.” Just chuckle and say, “You know, I’ve been meaning to work on that.”

10. Fight the bully. This is indeed a possibility, but it's best to avoid a fight. You are absolutely guaranteed to get into trouble.  Remember, bullying is about social position.  Therefore, if you do fight the bully it needs to be a fair fight where you dominate him or her enough to firmly establish your social standing.  However, the reason that I don’t even recommend a fair fight is that, to be honest, often times the bully picked you because he or she can take you in a square fight. Getting beaten up won’t help your cause. On the other hand, if you do win the fight then you are labeled a fighter by your peers and now a whole bunch of other people are going to challenge you to a fight. You don’t want to be that. It’s better to use social dominance skills and avoid fighting all together.

11.  Think on the fly. Use your brain.  You are the one in this situation, think of what you should do and go with it.

These are some thoughts on effectively dealing with a bully.  Take what is useful to you and apply as you see fit.  Remember that not every suggestion here is right for everybody and not all of them will work for you.  The big idea of this is for you to start thinking proactively about actual effective things that you can do to stop being a victim of the bully.



Are you being bullied?

Here is a quick list of things you can do!

Why is a Bully a Bully?

Bullies tend to lack self esteem, that's why they bully others.

So how do you Bully Proof Yourself?

First remember that this is NOT YOUR FAULT.  The bully is the one with the problem, unfortunately you have to deal with some if it. Here are some things you can do.

Bully Stopping Strategies

1. Talk to the bully.  If somebody is bullying you tell them right then and there that you do not appreciate what they are saying.  Say something like, "Why are you being mean?  Please stop that."

2. Tell your parents.  There is a lot that they can do to help you!

3. Tell your teacher. Telling your teacher will help you a lot and is not tattling.

4. Tell your friends. If somebody is bullying you ask your friends to tell the bully to stop and that what the bully did wasn’t cool. 

5. Ignore the bully. Sometimes this works!

6. Avoid the bully. It's hard to bully somebody you don't see.

7. Just walk away.  This works if you walk away with confidence, keep your head up and make eye contact.

8. Use Comedy. If you are a funny person it is possible to make a joke out of the situation. Do not make fun of the bully when you do this.

9. Agree with the bully.  “You’re ugly and you smell like a goat.” Just chuckle and say, “You know, I’ve been meaning to work on that.”

10.  Think on the fly. Use your brain.  You are the one in this situation, think of what you should do and go with it.

DO NOT TRY TO FIGHT THE BULLY.  You will just get in trouble and not solve your problem anyway. 

These are some thoughts on effectively dealing with a bully.  Take what is useful to you and apply as you see fit.  

Have you seen somebody being bullied?

Here are some steps that you can take!
If you see somebody being bullied:

Immediately tell the bully that what they did wasn't cool when:
  • You see somebody at school hit somebody else.
  • You hear somebody say something mean to somebody else, even if the person thinks they are joking.
  • You see somebody steal something from somebody else.
  • You see somebody playing too rough and one of the people involved obviously doesn't like it.
  • You hear somebody say something mean about somebody else.  It doesn't matter if it's true or not.
  • You hear somebody say a mean lie about somebody else.  Immediately point out that what they said isn't true.
In all of these cases tell the bully that what they did or said wasn't okay.  Then tell your teacher what happened.

What if you don't like the kid who is being picked on?

It doesn't matter. You don't have to like everybody, but nobody deserves to be bullied.  Also, keep in mind that a day may come that you are the one being bullied.  If you have helped others it is possible that they might help you later.

You might be a bully if...

Sometimes you might act like a bully and not even know it!
You might be a bully if...

  • You have ever pushed or shoved another kid just because you wanted to.
  • You sometimes play too rough with others.
  • You sometimes say mean things about other people, even if you are trying to be funny.
  • You sometimes do "practical jokes." Things that you think are funny because they embarrass others or put them in a bad situation.
  • You say bad things about others when they aren't around.
  • You  lie about what others have said or done to make them look bad.
  • You have ever stolen something from another person just to mess with them.
  • You and you're friends don't let another kid play with you.
What can you do?

If you have done these things- STOP IT!  Here are some ways that you can do instead.

  • If you like being physical, get on a team to play a sport or sign up for an activity where it's okay to be physical.  It's okay to tackle somebody when you're on a football team, but it's not okay at recess.
  • If you want to say something funny, do not say it in a way that puts somebody else down. Think about what you say before you say it.
  • If you want to do something to somebody as a joke, what if instead you do something nice for that person!  
  • Don't lie about anybody and don't say things that make others look bad, even if what you say is true.  Instead, only compliment others.  If you are a little jealous of somebody else, think about the good things in your life and you will soon see that you have nothing to be jealous of.
  • Any time you do anything just to mess with somebody, you are in the wrong.  Instead do something to help somebody.  
  • If there is a kid who wants to play with you but the game you're playing won't work, change the game so this person can play.
The reason somebody bullies is out low self confidence, jealousy, or a desire to be liked.  Being a bully doesn't help any of these things.  

A mindless beast can destroy something, true power comes from the ability to create something. Work to create a better world, work to be a better person, and work to help others.  You will be happier for it. 

Resources:


How parents can help.

How do you know if your child is being bullied?


In a recent study, 77% of the students said they had been bullied. Cyber bullying statistics reveal similar numbers.  And 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse. (http://www.how-to-stop-bullying.com/bullyingstatistics.html)

Your child could be getting bullied if he or she:

  • No longer likes going to school.
  • No longer seems to have any friends.
  • Is coming home looking like a victim of violence (bruises, scrapes, cuts, etc).
  • Doesn’t eat as much as he or she used to.
  • Seems depressed.
  • Comes home from school missing things (some bullies steal stuff).
  • Seems generally worried or stress for no apparent reason.
  • Seems to have decreased self confidence.
  • Comes home with items or clothes torn or broken.
  • Complains of illnesses like stomach aches or headaches (that you suspect is brought on by nerves).
  • Any other behavioral patterns that make you suspect that your child is being bullied.

What do you do?

First, find out what is happening in a non-judgmental way.  Find out what the details are, when, and who the bully (bullies) was. Be supportive of your child in this conversation.  Remember that your child has probably already taken some steps.  Find out what actions your child has already taken to see where you can help the most.

It is also good to take pictures of any injuries your child has sustained or any torn clothes, broken items, etc.  The more documentation that you have, the stronger the case you can present to the school or even police to help you.

Take all of this evidence to your child’s teacher and school administrator asap.  Bullying is a big deal on a national level in the educational system and they have systems in place to help your child.

Take the time to protect your child’s self esteem and self confidence. Do this by being verbally supportive of your child and by offering positive feedback. It could be that you need to seek professional counseling for your child if you think the physiological trauma warrants it.

Consider enrolling your child in a quality Martial Arts Program that focuses on building self confidence and self esteem.

Continue to monitor your child’s progress.  Remember, this is not a one and done kind of thing. Be constantly vigilant and offer constant support and encouragement for your child, as well as constant communication with your child’s teacher.

Remember, don’t make your child do this alone!  There are options directly available to you that can turn this negative series of events in your child’s life into things that he or she overcame.  As with all life challenges, help your child develop the self confidence and self esteem to become greater than this challenge.

References:

http://www.how-to-stop-bullying.com/bullyingstatistics.html

http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-is-Being-Bullied.php

http://www.stopbullyingnow.com/parents.pdf

People in Asheville who can help you.

Here is a list of people in Asheville that can help you if you are being bullied.
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Here is a list of organizations that parents can contact to assist with any bullying issues.

Mission Hospital, Copestone
428 Biltmore Ave
Asheville, NC 28801-4502
Phone: (828) 213-1111
View map

Service Setting: Inpatient and Outpatient Care 

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Families Together Inc.
723 Fairview Rd
Asheville, NC 28803-1176
Phone: (828) 258-0031
View map

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Asheville Police Department
Chief William Hogan
Location: 100 Court Plaza, Asheville, NC, 28801
Office Hours: 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m., Monday-Friday
Non-emergency: (828) 252-1110

Posts

April 24, 03:02 PM
Time to gear up for summer: Shameless Summer Program Plug!

When school lets out the Summer of Kung fu Awesome begins!

Our class schedule will not change, but we will add in the following events into our regular schedule!

  • Free Ice Cream Days!
  • Ninja Madness! (we’re going to make throwing stars and learn the secrets of how to make your own ninja mask)
  • Kung Fu Panda Day!
  • Lotus Pole of Doom Day!
  • Grill Skillz Day!
  • Popcorn and Kung Fu Movie Night!
  • Build a Lightsaber Day!
  • And much much more!

We’ll also have an end of summer party for everybody who makes all 16 classes during the months of June and July.

And finally we’ll have a Traveling White Oak Shirt Contest with two categories: 1) a picture of you wearing one of our shirts in the farthest away place, and 2) the funniest/coolest thing that you are doing in one of our shirts while on vacation somewhere.

Thanks! It’s going to be a great summer!

For more information check out our Summer Program Page!

April 10, 09:06 AM
Black Belt Leaders can ninja on bad guys, but there’s much more….

Our students learn all about dealing with bullies, effective ways to say no to negative influences, and of course how to defend themselves against violence.  However, they also learn how to be contributing members of society, how to be leaders in whatever way is appropriate for them. Here’s what a couple of our Black Belt students did for one of their Lessons in Mastery. Yes, at our school education continues well after you earn your first Black Belt!

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◄ Back
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THE SUMARY FOR:

The Charter for Compassion

Compassion means:

Treating people the way you wish to be treated.  “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”  Giving anyone complete justice, respect, and treating them equally as we would care for our family.  Wherever you are, you should always act kindly, avoiding being disrespectful in all ways, and not speaking badly of anyone, including the people we don’t like.  Never miss a chance to be kind and respectful.  Services are a good thing that leads up to compassion.  You do things you want to do, for instance, you go to the store with your parent because you want to, not because you feel you have to.  Helping elders, holding the door for someone, being kind; everything adds up.

We need to eliminate selfishness and bring back compassion and respect.  Selfishness is terrible, because it breaks respect, creates hatred and anger, etc.      Compassion helps a lot of things, and is crucial for human bonds.  It lays out the path to glory and successfulness, and is the ultimate creation of justice.

That is what COMPASSION means.

For more information about our school click here! 

March 19, 02:17 PM
The Free Focus Book

Here is a book that is some of the required reading for our Black Belt program. It is completely free and has some great ideas in it, so I thought I’d post it as I think you’ll enjoy reading it.

The ability to focus is the key to accomplishing whatever it is that you set your mind to doing- for work or play.  Having seen the positive results hundreds of times, I can honestly tell you that an education in the martial arts builds focus incredibly well.

So, here is the book. Enjoy!  Free Focus Book.

If you would like some more information about our school click here!

February 07, 01:18 PM
Assignment: Positive Attitiude!

At the White Oak Martial Arts Center in Asheville, NC our students not only learn personal defense skills (everything from how to deal with a bully, negative peer pressure, or violence) but also how to be an ethical person who contributes to society in a positive way.  We want our students to be positive role models for everyone they come into contact with.

In fact, for every belt our students have to be able to apply a physical self defense skill, pass a physical fitness test, and complete a positive character trait task. This past cycle we talked about positive attitude.   Here is a short video showing off some of out students assignments, spot lighting Claudia and Bodhi.


Click here for more information about how our school can help your family.

January 30, 10:01 AM
Black Belt Leaders have Self Control.

One of the most valuable things that martial arts students learn is self control, the ability to think before you act.  We do this through the discipline of managing ourselves, and to be honest, learning to manage force, power, and violence.  Most little boys at one time or another turn a banana into a gun, play fight and wrestle, and display other forms of “play violence.”  Little girls do as well, but differently. As a father of only girls I was amazed to learn what girl world is like. It’s a scary place:). Basically, girls are violent as well, but it is much more Machiavellian.

My point is this, violence is an attempt to build power and as humans we seek power.  This in and of itself is not a bad thing, but this power needs to be honed and focused towards positive ends.  This is where a martial arts education in self control is so important.  We address force, power, and violence directly and teach how to control these things, this quest for personal power, and how to shape the power we seek into a positive direction instead of a destructive one.

Here is a short video with this lesson as it will be taught in class.

For more information about our school click here.

January 04, 08:11 AM
Join our new QiGong and Meditation class!


By popular demand we are now offering a QiGong and Meditation class every Monday night at 7pm beginning on January 9th. This class will center completely around building chi with the objective of solidifying the relationship of the mind leading the chi and the chi leading body.  We will use Yi Jin Jing QiGong, Primordial QiGong, and a few other forms of getting chi to flow.

QiGong can be used for three main functions: power in the martial arts, physical fitness and harmony, and the pursuit of personal development and enlightenment.  This class will not touch on martial arts at all and will focus entirely on the health and meditative aspects of QiGong.

These practices have been used to create and maintain good health in China for around 4000 years.  Having lived in China, the Chinese are a very intelligent and practical people. The only reason to do something that long is that it works.

Try this class once for free.  You will find that this is the perfect addition to your current fitness practices, and is a great very low impact way to get started on a fitness program regardless of your current level of health.

Stop by on Monday night from 7-8pm to try one class out for free.  If you have further questions call 828-713-0765 or email dctai@charter.net.

 

December 05, 02:15 PM
Shopping Safety.

Here are some things to keep in mind to keep shopping as it should be- fun!

Shopping Safety Tips

1.     Don’t shop alone.

Shopping is always more fun with friends anyway, and there is safety in numbers.

2.     Carry your cell phone and have group meet up times and places.

If your larger group breaks up into smaller groups, make sure that there is a phone in every group. Set up a designated meeting time and place knowing that security will be called if a group is late.

3.     Don’t wear things that somebody would want to steal.

Just wear normal casual clothes.  Don’t wear expensive looking jewelry that would be theft worthy and don’t carry a pocketbook that would be easy to grab.

4.     Walk with purpose, like you are on a schedule.

If you look like you have spare time, you look like you won’t be missed for a little while.

5.     Pay attention to what is happening around you.

Always pay attention!  Be on the lookout for potential bad guys.  If you get a bad feeling about somebody, you are probably right.  Get away and find security.

6.     Don’t carry large amounts of cash.

You can call to report a card if it’s stolen….

7.     Park by a light, lock your car, and get your keys out in the store.

Look under and around your car as you approach, then look in it before you get in.  Have your keys out so you can get
into the car quickly.  If things look bad, go back into the store.

8.     Panhandlers and people who approach you are most likely scammers.

These people mostly want to see the contents of your wallet so their friend can mug you later. They are generally professionals, especially around here.

9.     If you feel threatened, find any store staff member or security.

Any store employee can call security, and any store would be happy to escort you to your car.

10.    If you are in trouble, cause a scene.

Bad guys want things to go down quietly and smoothly. So if somebody tries to hurt you, yell, scream, and generally draw
attention to yourself.

December 05, 09:02 AM
Two More Black Belt Leaders!

Congratulations to Zoe Kaplan and Elliot Gualano for earning their first degree Black Belts!  Earning a Black Belt with us is unique.  First of all, they do have to learn all of the moves, forms, techniques and what not.  However, the objective of learning these moves is self defense, not winning trophies.  Therefore, our Black Belt physical exam is based on one simple notion.  Can this person actually defend him or her self in a real self defense scenario?  Can the student improvise and not be forced to do a bunch of dogmatically memorized stuff? It takes more self discipline and self confidence to be creative than to just perform a bunch of memorized stuff.

But on top of knowing what to do, the student must also have a clear understanding of when to do these things.  Obviously we don’t want to have a student who is looking for a fight all the time.  Therefore we spend a great deal of time teaching a simple philosophy of use- use the smallest amount of force necessary to not get hurt, preferably none, with the objective of escape.

However, though there is the possibility of having to defend yourself against a physical attack, other attacks are much more likely- in fact I guarantee that they will take place.  Therefore our self defense curriculum spends a great deal of time working on defense against negative peer pressure, bullies, good nutrition choices, personal fear and self doubt, anger management, effective ways to say no, managing the environment, and many other real life challenges that out kids face every day.

And finally, out students learn a great deal of becoming an effective person.  A Black Belt Leader with us is the kind of person who is not negatively influenced by those around them, rather is a positive influence on those they come in contact with.  Out students learn about honesty, integrity, a positive attitude, gratitude, discipline, respect, self confidence, and a whole lot more.  These topics are taught in every class just like techniques are.  Not only that, but out students are required to actually do things to apply these lessons to their lives for each belt.  We call these tasks.

For Black Belt there is a community leadership task.  This time around Zoe lead a team to clean up the overpass bridge next to an elementary school, while Elliot lead an effort to raise money for gifts for the less fortunate.

Now that they have both earned their first degree Black Belt (and both did an amazing job on every challenge I threw at them) it is time for them to get to work on their second- with a whole new set of challenges!

If you would like more information about our school please click here.

November 28, 02:52 PM
A Thank You Note.

I recently received this awesome thank you note from one of our adult students.

Master Croley,

I want to thank you for helping me in more ways than one and for opening my mind.  I have only attended your classes for two months now and I have benefited physically, mentally, and it has impacted my relationships at work in a positive way. Through your “Black Belt Leadership Program” I have opened my heart to others that I normally wouldn’t have.  I have given with an open heart in hopes to build friendship, especially with one person I’ve had a hard time with at work. The results have been positive. Thank you!

The entire point of an education in the martial arts in to improve yourself, and that means more than just doing push ups.  I am thrilled to hear about our students taking the martial arts mindset and applying it to their lives.

For more information about out school please click here.

November 15, 02:36 PM
How a Black Belt should think.

After one of our students earns a Black Belt, there is still continuing curriculum.  In fact, getting a black belt is kind of like getting your drivers license.  You can drive- but now it’s time to really learn how to do it!  Along with kunging and fuing, the first lesson our Black Belts learn about is Compassion.

Here is what Abir had to say about it.  Please note that he chose to approach this topic from the context of comparative religion but we do not discuss religion in class. With that said, this is an excellent paper discussing the concept of compassion from different perspectives.  I guess it helped him out a little bit that his mother teaches philosophy at UNCA.

Dear Master Croley,

To me compassion is the Golden Rule that is, Treat Others The Way You Want To Be
Treated. Compassion is important in the religions because each religion has the
common value of compassion. For example in Hinduism compassion stands for non-Harmfulness.
In Christianity compassion stands for loving even one’s enemies. In Buddhism
compassion stands for the ability to fully appreciate one’s own suffering and
the suffering of others. In Judaism compassion says, ‘Kindness gives to another,
Compassion knows no other.’ In Islam compassion stands for helping and
supporting everyone.

In every religion compassion requires
humility and self-control. So if you have humility, self-control, and
compassion altogether you are a good person. You learn these virtues and other
virtues in the process of becoming a black-belt.

EX AMPLES:

  1. When I help my best-friend build
    lego sets.
  2. Helping my friends learn to swing
    on the monkey bars at recess.
  3. If somebody needs help washing the
    tables at lunch I help them.
  4. If a classmate needs help with
    reading I go and help them.
  5. If a friend has fallen down I help
    them up.

Sincerely,

Abir

 

I really like how he looked at this topic from several different angles and then applied them to his life.  Well done Abir!

For more information about our school, click here. 

White Oak Martial Arts
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