Stop Bullies in Asheville NOW!

A free community resource designed to empower our children. This is a White Oak Martial Arts Project.

The Kids Teaching Kids Anti-Bully Project

The Stop Bullies in Asheville NOW! Project works by empowering children.  One of the best ways to do this is to have kids take ownership of the issue of bullying and to educate other kids about what bullying is, why it is bad, and what they can do about it in a civilized manner.

How does this work?

How this program works is simple.  We give the kids in this program the education, resources, and materials to do a presentation in their classrooms at school or any groups that they belong to such as a church group.

Why is this a good idea?

When somebody takes a stand for something it is powerful.  It's one thing, and a very good thing, for parents and educators to teach kids about not bullying but it's something even better when kids themselves are taking a stand against this (and for that matter any other) kind of abuse.

So what now?

If you are interested in taking part in this program for your class or group just contact Derek Croley at 828-713-0765 or email dctai@bellsouth.net.

He will provide you with not only the materials that you need for free, but also the education and personal support that you need to get this started.

Together we can make a difference!

On bullying.

Stopping the Bully

It is an unfortunate fact that many if not most kids and even adults these days are victims of bullies.  Here are a few thoughts on how you can effectively deal with bullies.  

Why is a Bully a Bully?

Bullying takes place when somebody isn’t sure of their position in the social group or wishes to improve their perceived position in the social group.  This social uncertainty can come from any aspect of the bully’s life, but what it boils down to is that  the bully lacks self esteem.  This lack of self esteem causes the bully to attempt to gain power over other people that they think are good targets. 

“Good targets” can be

  • people that the bully perceives as weaker or inferior,
  • people that the bully is envious of, 
  • people that the bully wishes to be friends with but tries to do so inappropriately or
  • people that the bully has romantic feelings towards but lacks the self confidence to approach appropriately.

So how do you Bully Proof Yourself?

First remember that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Just because a bully has selected you does not mean that you are "less" in any way.  The bully is the one with the problem, unfortunately you have to deal with some if it. Try to figure out which of these items, or combination thereof, is the reason that applies to your bully.

If the Bully perceives you as weak.

Take some steps to build your self confidence. This doesn’t mean that you become a bully yourself; it means that you change the things about yourself that can be perceived as weak.  Believe it or not, your physical stature is not a factor. First, I strongly recommend that you enroll in a quality Martial Arts, Dance, Gymnastics, or other such Program.  Getting really good at something is a great way to make new friends and build your self confidence.  A strong person is one who believes in him or herself. A strong person has self confidence.

Self confidence means that you develop the ability to have a stable social standing, making you an unlikely target for a bully.  Even if you are targeted you have the confidence to deal with it effectively. More on this later.

With that said here are some simple things to practice.

1. Improve your posture. People with self confidence stand up straight.  Bully’s look for people with low self confidence.

2. Make eye contact. People with self confidence make solid eye contact with others. Play this game:  smile and make brief eye contact with people until they blink or move somehow. This needs to take place quickly and in a way that the other person doesn’t really notice that it’s happening.  This establishes your position of dominance.

3. Smile pleasantly. People with self confidence smile. Not in a weird forced way, but in an easy, pleasant manner.

4. Pay attention to your clothes.   Wear clean clothes to school and wear them in an way that is socially acceptable to your peers. Most importantly, wear them in a way that you like and feel comfortable and confident in.  Remember, you don't have to pay top dollar for what you wear.  Asheville has several excellent thrift stores where you can get practically anything. In fact, you don't need to buy anything- there are tons of websites about how to make old clothes and hand-me-downs look good.

5. Don’t try to be cool.  Just be you. As Abe Lincoln said, it is “Better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.”  In this case, this means to speak if you have something to add,  but don’t fake knowledge, an accent or vernacular.  Don’t try to be something you are not by saying things just to fit in, this only proves you to be a fool. Be genuine in your speech.

6. Understand your faults, but look at your strengths. What this means is look at and know all the reasons that you are a valuable and worthwhile person.  The bully thinks that you are weak, but the bully doesn’t have to be right.  He is only right if you think he is right.

If a Bully is Envious of You.

Sometimes somebody will bully you because you are smarter, better looking, have better fashion sense, have more money, more friends, get better grades, are liked by somebody the bully wants to be liked by, or whatever other thing the bully can think of.  The bully secretly, or not so secretly, wants your social position.

In these situations there are a few actions you can take.  First, do everything mentioned above. Next,

1. Don’t care. The bully is the one that is envious, not you.  They are the ones with the problem.  Sometimes, by acknowledging his or her attempts to bully you, you put the bully on the map- you lend credence to what the bully has to say. It could be that the bully is simply beneath you in this area. This may not be PC, but it is true.

2. Help the Bully. In some cases, you can take the bully under your wing and kindly give the bully tips to improve in whatever their area of concern is.

If the bully wishes to be friends with you but tries to do so inappropriately.

If this is the case the bully already thinks you’re cool but doesn’t know the right way to go about being your friend.  Here’s what you do.

1. If you think this person has potential as a friend, confront him or her politely.  Use humor (not at the bully’s expense) to politely point out that the bully’s approach is not right, but if a friendship is possible perhaps you could suggest a different way to go about it.  It is my recommendation that you do this casually and publically in a way that you do not lose face and neither does the bully.  Perhaps sitting around with a group of friends at lunch?  Respectfully bring the now former bully to a place beneath you in the social order so that you can politely and compassionately offer corrections until you are comfortable with the former bully’s social skills enough to be equal friends. Do not use this opportunity to be a bully yourself, be a leader.

2. If you think there is no chance that this person could be your friend, confront him or her politely. But this time do it privately and politely so nobody loses face.  If you think it is possible that the bully may become violent with this bad news, have backup available close by.  If the bully doesn’t take this well in other non-physical ways, display social dominance by making eye contact, having good posture, smiling pleasantly, and being polite to a fault, especially if the bully says mean things around others in an attempt to anger you.  If the bully attempts demeaning humor directed at you, be overly polite while completely ignoring the childish rudeness.

If the bully is romantically interested in you and displays it inappropriately.

In the event that the bully is romantically interested in you would take the same steps outlined above for establishing a friendship, but be especially careful.  DO NOT even consider allowing the bully into your social group or accept the bully’s advances if you get even the slightest hint that the bully is violent or will mistreat, abuse, or in any other way be mean to you.  Life is too short to put up with that garbage.

A good way to know if the bully will be mean to you is to look at how he or she treats other people, other peoples belongings, and even their own things.  If the bully is not respectful of others or themselves, they will not be respectful of you.  Don’t go near them.

If you feel that you are in some way unable to tell the bully no by yourself, get a group of your friends together to back you up.  With them standing behind and next to you, respectfully and politely tell the bully to please stop his or her inappropriate behavior.  Do not be mean and do not be aggressive in tone. Your friends don’t have to say anything. Their show of support will be enough.

Bully Stopping Strategies

Keeping all of the above information in mind, here are some thoughts on specific strategies that you can use to deal effectively with the bully.  Remember, these need to be done consistently.

1. Talk to the Bully.  If somebody is bullying you tell them right then and there that you do not appreciate what they are saying.  Say something like, "Why are you being mean?  Please stop that."

2. Tell your parents.  There is actually a lot that they can do to help you.  First, they need to inform the school that this is taking place and then document the dates and times and who they talked to at the school.  Second, your parents need to tell your teacher that this is taking place and document it as well. With this kind of documented contact you will still get in trouble if you get into a fight, but at least the school knows what is happening and you are less likely to be labeled as a trouble maker and more likely to have the sympathy of the school staff. Third, it may or may not be appropriate for your parents to talk to the parents of the bully.  Fourth, once again, I strongly recommend that your parents get you involved in a quality martial arts program that focuses on building self confidence.  Parents, look at this blog post to see if your child is being bullied.

No matter what always tell your parents so that they can help you as best they can. 

3. Tell your teacher. Bullying is a big deal in all of the schools in WNC, so your teachers not only want to help you, they have the tools to do it. For example, your teacher can strategically place you away from the bully, so the bully never gets a chance to bully you in school. Telling your teacher will help you a lot and is not tattling.

4. Tell your friends. Your friends can have your back.  If somebody is bullying you ask your friends to tell the bully to stop and that what the bully did wasn’t cool. You and your friends need to back each other up on a constant basis, having a friend tell the bully one time isn’t good enough.  You and your friends need to back each other up every time the bully tries to bully you. A group is always stronger than an individual.

5. Ignore the bully. If it is possible to socially shun the bully do it. This means that when the bully tries to get into your head verbally or with whatever action you completely ignore him or her.  It is even better if you can get your friends to shun the bully as well.

6. Avoid the bully. I do recommend this.  If it is possible to not walk past the bully then there doesn’t need to be a problem in the first place.

7. Just walk away.  This needs to be done correctly so as not to be counterproductive.    As stated above, bullying is about social order, or pack behavior.  The lower animal in the pack in the one that tucks its head and walks away. When you just walk away without exhibiting any self confident behavior you have issued an open invitation to be bullied at will.  You are acting like a victim. Don’t walk away from the bully, walk past the bully. Walking past the bully works when you

  • Genuinely do not care about the bully and what he or she has to say. You cannot pretend to not care, you must be genuinely apathetic towards the bully.  Basically, they are beneath your notice and don’t even register on your radar.
  • Have enough self confidence to be stronger than the bully. The idea is that you are so much higher in the pack or social order that the bully is being silly by even considering challenging you.  By having more self confidence you have good posture, make eye contact and smile charmingly at the bully as you say nothing and don’t even stop walking.
  • *** In either case, do not walk away from the bully, walk past the bully.

8. Use Comedy. If you are a funny person it is possible to make a joke out of the situation.  As you do this, consider the fact that it is not a good idea to make fun of the bully in your comedy, when you make fun of somebody you are just acting like a bully yourself.

9. Agree with the bully. With a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye, while making eye contact with the bully, agree with his or her unkind remark.  “You’re ugly and you smell like a goat.” Just chuckle and say, “You know, I’ve been meaning to work on that.”

10. Fight the bully. This is indeed a possibility, but it's best to avoid a fight. You are absolutely guaranteed to get into trouble.  Remember, bullying is about social position.  Therefore, if you do fight the bully it needs to be a fair fight where you dominate him or her enough to firmly establish your social standing.  However, the reason that I don’t even recommend a fair fight is that, to be honest, often times the bully picked you because he or she can take you in a square fight. Getting beaten up won’t help your cause. On the other hand, if you do win the fight then you are labeled a fighter by your peers and now a whole bunch of other people are going to challenge you to a fight. You don’t want to be that. It’s better to use social dominance skills and avoid fighting all together.

11.  Think on the fly. Use your brain.  You are the one in this situation, think of what you should do and go with it.

These are some thoughts on effectively dealing with a bully.  Take what is useful to you and apply as you see fit.  Remember that not every suggestion here is right for everybody and not all of them will work for you.  The big idea of this is for you to start thinking proactively about actual effective things that you can do to stop being a victim of the bully.



Are you being bullied?

Here is a quick list of things you can do!

Why is a Bully a Bully?

Bullies tend to lack self esteem, that's why they bully others.

So how do you Bully Proof Yourself?

First remember that this is NOT YOUR FAULT.  The bully is the one with the problem, unfortunately you have to deal with some if it. Here are some things you can do.

Bully Stopping Strategies

1. Talk to the bully.  If somebody is bullying you tell them right then and there that you do not appreciate what they are saying.  Say something like, "Why are you being mean?  Please stop that."

2. Tell your parents.  There is a lot that they can do to help you!

3. Tell your teacher. Telling your teacher will help you a lot and is not tattling.

4. Tell your friends. If somebody is bullying you ask your friends to tell the bully to stop and that what the bully did wasn’t cool. 

5. Ignore the bully. Sometimes this works!

6. Avoid the bully. It's hard to bully somebody you don't see.

7. Just walk away.  This works if you walk away with confidence, keep your head up and make eye contact.

8. Use Comedy. If you are a funny person it is possible to make a joke out of the situation. Do not make fun of the bully when you do this.

9. Agree with the bully.  “You’re ugly and you smell like a goat.” Just chuckle and say, “You know, I’ve been meaning to work on that.”

10.  Think on the fly. Use your brain.  You are the one in this situation, think of what you should do and go with it.

DO NOT TRY TO FIGHT THE BULLY.  You will just get in trouble and not solve your problem anyway. 

These are some thoughts on effectively dealing with a bully.  Take what is useful to you and apply as you see fit.  

Have you seen somebody being bullied?

Here are some steps that you can take!
If you see somebody being bullied:

Immediately tell the bully that what they did wasn't cool when:
  • You see somebody at school hit somebody else.
  • You hear somebody say something mean to somebody else, even if the person thinks they are joking.
  • You see somebody steal something from somebody else.
  • You see somebody playing too rough and one of the people involved obviously doesn't like it.
  • You hear somebody say something mean about somebody else.  It doesn't matter if it's true or not.
  • You hear somebody say a mean lie about somebody else.  Immediately point out that what they said isn't true.
In all of these cases tell the bully that what they did or said wasn't okay.  Then tell your teacher what happened.

What if you don't like the kid who is being picked on?

It doesn't matter. You don't have to like everybody, but nobody deserves to be bullied.  Also, keep in mind that a day may come that you are the one being bullied.  If you have helped others it is possible that they might help you later.

You might be a bully if...

Sometimes you might act like a bully and not even know it!
You might be a bully if...

  • You have ever pushed or shoved another kid just because you wanted to.
  • You sometimes play too rough with others.
  • You sometimes say mean things about other people, even if you are trying to be funny.
  • You sometimes do "practical jokes." Things that you think are funny because they embarrass others or put them in a bad situation.
  • You say bad things about others when they aren't around.
  • You  lie about what others have said or done to make them look bad.
  • You have ever stolen something from another person just to mess with them.
  • You and you're friends don't let another kid play with you.
What can you do?

If you have done these things- STOP IT!  Here are some ways that you can do instead.

  • If you like being physical, get on a team to play a sport or sign up for an activity where it's okay to be physical.  It's okay to tackle somebody when you're on a football team, but it's not okay at recess.
  • If you want to say something funny, do not say it in a way that puts somebody else down. Think about what you say before you say it.
  • If you want to do something to somebody as a joke, what if instead you do something nice for that person!  
  • Don't lie about anybody and don't say things that make others look bad, even if what you say is true.  Instead, only compliment others.  If you are a little jealous of somebody else, think about the good things in your life and you will soon see that you have nothing to be jealous of.
  • Any time you do anything just to mess with somebody, you are in the wrong.  Instead do something to help somebody.  
  • If there is a kid who wants to play with you but the game you're playing won't work, change the game so this person can play.
The reason somebody bullies is out low self confidence, jealousy, or a desire to be liked.  Being a bully doesn't help any of these things.  

A mindless beast can destroy something, true power comes from the ability to create something. Work to create a better world, work to be a better person, and work to help others.  You will be happier for it. 

Resources:


How parents can help.

How do you know if your child is being bullied?


In a recent study, 77% of the students said they had been bullied. Cyber bullying statistics reveal similar numbers.  And 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse. (http://www.how-to-stop-bullying.com/bullyingstatistics.html)

Your child could be getting bullied if he or she:

  • No longer likes going to school.
  • No longer seems to have any friends.
  • Is coming home looking like a victim of violence (bruises, scrapes, cuts, etc).
  • Doesn’t eat as much as he or she used to.
  • Seems depressed.
  • Comes home from school missing things (some bullies steal stuff).
  • Seems generally worried or stress for no apparent reason.
  • Seems to have decreased self confidence.
  • Comes home with items or clothes torn or broken.
  • Complains of illnesses like stomach aches or headaches (that you suspect is brought on by nerves).
  • Any other behavioral patterns that make you suspect that your child is being bullied.

What do you do?

First, find out what is happening in a non-judgmental way.  Find out what the details are, when, and who the bully (bullies) was. Be supportive of your child in this conversation.  Remember that your child has probably already taken some steps.  Find out what actions your child has already taken to see where you can help the most.

It is also good to take pictures of any injuries your child has sustained or any torn clothes, broken items, etc.  The more documentation that you have, the stronger the case you can present to the school or even police to help you.

Take all of this evidence to your child’s teacher and school administrator asap.  Bullying is a big deal on a national level in the educational system and they have systems in place to help your child.

Take the time to protect your child’s self esteem and self confidence. Do this by being verbally supportive of your child and by offering positive feedback. It could be that you need to seek professional counseling for your child if you think the physiological trauma warrants it.

Consider enrolling your child in a quality Martial Arts Program that focuses on building self confidence and self esteem.

Continue to monitor your child’s progress.  Remember, this is not a one and done kind of thing. Be constantly vigilant and offer constant support and encouragement for your child, as well as constant communication with your child’s teacher.

Remember, don’t make your child do this alone!  There are options directly available to you that can turn this negative series of events in your child’s life into things that he or she overcame.  As with all life challenges, help your child develop the self confidence and self esteem to become greater than this challenge.

References:

http://www.how-to-stop-bullying.com/bullyingstatistics.html

http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-is-Being-Bullied.php

http://www.stopbullyingnow.com/parents.pdf

People in Asheville who can help you.

Here is a list of people in Asheville that can help you if you are being bullied.
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Here is a list of organizations that parents can contact to assist with any bullying issues.

Mission Hospital, Copestone
428 Biltmore Ave
Asheville, NC 28801-4502
Phone: (828) 213-1111
View map

Service Setting: Inpatient and Outpatient Care 

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Families Together Inc.
723 Fairview Rd
Asheville, NC 28803-1176
Phone: (828) 258-0031
View map

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Asheville Police Department
Chief William Hogan
Location: 100 Court Plaza, Asheville, NC, 28801
Office Hours: 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m., Monday-Friday
Non-emergency: (828) 252-1110

Posts

May 16, 08:54 AM
Find out why our Summer Program is Perfect for you.

I know, I know, there are a few hundred camps going on this summer.  But we offer something unique.  We offer something that will definitely fit your vacation schedule, you can do on top of other camps, and most importantly your kids will learn important, applicable skills in a really fun way.  We offer Summer Martial Arts Classes.

Go to www.AshevilleSummerMartialArts.com for the full lowdown, but in a nutshell here is what we do and why it will be unprecedentedly awesome.

1. Classes, not day camps.  This is great for you because you can slip it in anywhere on your schedule! You can come to as many appropriate classes as you would like and can even make up classes from vacations.

2. Fun, exciting, and educational. Every class we do will have a different theme.  You kids will make lightsabers, oragami ninja stars, have ice cream, and break boards.  You know, goofy fun stuff to keep life interesting. The educational part is next….

3. Your kids will stay fit. They will also stay fit with stretching, calisthenics  and cardio workouts. They will build focus and physical self discipline- keeping their minds sharp for school coming up.

4. Your kids will learn to stay safe without being paranoid. They will learn how to nonviolently deal with bullies, defend themselves if they have to, and learn how to deal with negative peer pressure.  Your kids will learn all of the awesome things that you have heard about from martial arts training and they will have an awesome time doing it.

5. This could lead to becoming a Black Belt.  Many of our summer students decide to continue on after the summer, and many of them eventually train to become Black Belts.  I mean seriously, who does not want their kid to be a Black Belt?  Who does not want to know that their kid can accomplish something great?

6. It’s really kinda inexpensive.  Your kid can train for 8 weeks this summer for only $149.  That’s it.  No additional fees for anything.  This is 50% off of our regular tuition! Also, you can attend as many classes as you want!

7. The bad news is that space is limited.  So you need to hustle up and sign up, we only have 20 spaces available and as of today they are already half gone!  Click here to register!

 

March 18, 08:51 AM
The Top 5 Reasons Kids Need Martial Arts Education.

Abe earning his Black Belt.

There are so many reasons these days that kids need to learn martial arts.  In fact, though there are numerous activities that kids can do, there are some very important things that can only be learned in a martial arts training hall.  Here are the top five reasons that your kids need to be in an authentic martial arts training program.

5. Unshakable Self Confidence tempered by Humility.

Self confidence comes from getting good at something.  It could be anything, but people gain confidence from real life successes.  However, what makes Martial Arts education unique in this regard is that not only do students have the opportunity to succeed, they also learn how to defend themselves against violence.  Quite simply, if your kids know that they stand a good chance of coming out on top when faced with a violent bad guy they become more confident.

Not to mention the great physical fitness aspects of Martial Arts training.  When your kid feels better about his or her body, their self confidence will sky rocket.

There is also a huge component of humility.  Martial Arts are unique in that they give students immediate feedback in training.  This gives kids the chance to experience failure as well as success, making the successes real.

An earned success with an understanding of failure breeds self confidence tempered by humility.

4. A keen understanding of how to set goals and reach them.

The use of belts to denote a ranking system was invented by Judo founder Jigaro Kano in the late 1800s. It was such a great idea that many other styles adopted the concept. Yes, it’s a pretty new custom, but a brilliant one.

The great thing about belts is that they provide a measurable goal system with long term goals and a series of short term goals leading up to them. Furthermore, there are specific things that must be accomplished to achieve each goal.

From the belt system, students learn how to set goals, and then build a structure of how to achieve them.  This is an incredibly valuable life skill.

3. How to effectively deal with bullies.

First off, the aforementioned Self Confidence makes Martial Arts students bad targets for bullies. Second, Martial Arts education builds a strategic mind.  This makes the student better able to see through the manipulative behavior of the bully as well as how to deal with the potential for defense against violence.

Also, bullies often lack Self Confidence.  When your kids have Self Confidence they recognize those who don’t and no longer really care about their negative statements.

2. The Strength to rise above life’s challenges and problems.

By experiencing success and failure, learning to set goals, being in great physical shape, and having a keen strategic mind your kids will have the strength to weather life’s storms and the mindset and training to find solutions.

One of the things that I personally teach in every single class is the power of a Positive Attitude,  Best Effort, and Perseverance.

“Nobody can control all of the events in their lives, but with a Positive Attitude you can shape the outcome of any event to your favor.  By putting forth your Best Effort at whatever you are doing you will get better at whatever it is until eventually you get pretty good at it. Perseverance is key, the only way to fail at the positive thing you are trying to accomplish is to quit doing it.”

Me, Every Class.

1. The Personal Power to effect real change for the better.

Everything above leads your kids to one simple conclusion: the power to make things happen, and the moral fiber to make these changes positive ones.  As a parent, all I want for my kids is for them to be happy, fulfilled, contributing members of society.  I’m willing to bet that your thoughts for your kids are pretty similar. To do this, our kids need to develop certain skill sets, build certain mindsets, and create certain personal habits.

I can’t speak for all martial arts schools, but at the White Oak Martial Arts Center we have intentionally and specifically created a curriculum designed to teach our kids the skills necessary to have the  personal power to change their lives for the better.

Click here to try out a free class.

February 15, 10:26 AM
Self Defense for the rest of us.

Self defense should not be about paranoia, it should be about mindfulness.  A large part of being mindful is to pay attention to what’s happening around you- good and bad.  If you are being mindful you are aware enough to enjoy a flower blooming, a child laughing, or an evil bad guy about to do some evil bad guy stuff.  I submit to you that by simply paying attention you will see more good things and be better able to avoid bad things.

Another part of being mindful is to be aware of possibilities.  Of course you should have a balanced approach to this as well.  Plan on and focus on the good things in your life, but prepare for the bad ones so you don’ t need to worry about them.  Have a home fire escape plan, have a home bad guy invasion plan, have an estate plan, have personal safety training of some type, all so you don’t have to think about those things very much- you already have a plan and can focus on the positive aspects of your life!

Weapons have been a big deal in the news these days, but in reality your best defense is not what is in your hand, rather it’s what is in your head.  Your plan, your strategy, and your intentions are the real self defense tools.

Ignoring bad things doesn’t make them go away, but having a plan to deal with them allows you to live your life in a much happier place. Practice mindful self defense.

For more information about our martial arts school click here.

January 22, 09:05 AM
4 Commonly Misunderstood Tai Chi Quotes

Don’t misunderestimate the power of misunderstanding the classics.  The meanings are hidden in the statements.  Here’s some food for thought.

  1. “A force of four ounces deflects a thousand pounds.” Wang Tsung-yueh

People for some reason generally translate this to mean that if they are really passive and yin, then somehow they will be able to beat somebody who is really hard and yang.  This quote does not mean that somebody with no power can beat somebody with power. It means that in Tai Chi you should use a more complex power, one with leverages, balances, and scales.  With correct balance, counterbalance, and long lever power it only takes a small amount of effort to move a heavy object.

  1. “…being double-weighted is sluggish.” Wang Tsung-yueh

This one people often translate to mean that you should have all of your weight on one foot or the other.  Eh, no.  This means that you should learn to read your partner/opponent to know where they are issuing power and where they are not.  Then you do whatever they are not doing.  Where your partner is giving power, you take power, where your partner has a hole, you fill.  Do not try to give power where your partner is giving power.

  1. Distinguishing solid and empty. Yang Cheng Fu

At first this can mean feeling where you have your weight and where you don’t, and this kind of physical balance is important to learn.  But this really is referring to knowing the difference between your physical body and your chi body, and then your chi body and spirit body. Then, do the same with people and things external to you.

  1. “From true softness comes true hardness”. Yang Cheng Fu

Do not confuse being to yin with being empty.  Being to yin or to yang are equal but opposite mistakes.  Being truly soft means to be empty- it means to have equilibrium of soft and hard.  The body is soft, but the chi is powerful.  The mind is active and alive while the body is nothing.

Want to learn more?  Click here to get started!

January 20, 09:54 PM
Check this out!


If you watch this video, you can really see why an education in the martial arts is one of the best things that you can do for your kids.

At the time it was filmed I was really impressed with how well Abir did.  Look at the coordination, discipline, confidence, and focus he displays here.  The thing is, he didn’t start out his education with us like this.  Nobody does.  He worked at it over time and built these qualities in himself.

You and your kids can do the same thing.  I’ve never met anybody anywhere who regretted earning a  Black Belt.

Click here to get started!

January 17, 12:37 PM
What does the New Year bring for you?

Are you interested in personal improvement, but….

You’ve been to the gym and it’s good, but there must be more.  You’ve been to fitness classes of various sorts, but still, there must be more.  Maybe you’ve even tried some martial arts classes, but, once again, it still seems like there should be more….

With our Internal Martial Arts programs you can improve your body, your mind, and your spirit in ways that nothing else can. Learn how to maximize your physical power. Learn the truth about what chi is.  Learn the true power of intention.  Learn what spirit level martial arts actually are.  Learn the secrets of the martial arts that few in America can teach.  And the neat thing is that all of this can be applied to real, effective self defense, real mental clarity, and real physical fitness!

This year we will once again be focusing on the secrets of Chinese Internal Martial Arts to improve ourselves- mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I have spent 30 years training martial arts, and have made numerous trips to China, even living there for a while, to learn the highest level of martial arts being taught in the world today.  To be honest, that by itself still wouldn’t be enough.  I was fortunate to be taken in as an indoor student by several teachers, thereby learning the secrets of martial art that make them truly effective.  I will share them with you.

These teachings make a positive difference in the lives of all of our students, and they can do the same for you.

You always hear about all of the great things that martial arts can do you for you, now it’s time to give it a shot.

Click here for more information.

December 27, 01:55 PM
Bad guys in the classroom.

In light of recent events, I have been researching how we can better protect our kids in schools from violent intruders.  Right now everybody is discussing their favorite politics, but nobody is really thinking about the one thing that really matters here:  what can be done in the instance of a violent intruder entering a classroom?

FEMA and the Department of Homeland Security have already put together some practices that are very reasonable.  They just need to be put into practice and drilled in schools just like a fire drill.  Speaking to my niece over Christmas, they already do this at her school in Florida.

Take a minute and check out these resources provided by FEMA and Homeland Security:

http://www.securityinfowatch.com/video/10761027/alice-training-for-active-shooters-on-campus

http://www.dhs.gov/xlibrary/assets/active_shooter_booklet.pdf

http://emilms.fema.gov/IS907/index.htm

 

And, as a shameless plug, a little personal safety and defense training never hurt anybody either.  For more information about our school please click here.

November 16, 12:42 PM
Some people inspire me.

I am super excited to have awarded Ann her Black Belt this past week!  Ann is a 50+ woman who has been taking private lessons at the White Oak Martial Arts Center for the past 3 years.  She has worked incredibly hard, has overcome several obstacles, and has proven that she has what it takes to be a Black Belt.  She lives about 45 minutes away from the school and works full time.  Sometimes the time crunch and distance tested her resolve, but she came through and never missed a class.  She has some minor medical issues come up, as we all do, but she never let those stop her either.

To be blunt, sometimes I speak with adult women who feel that for whatever reason they cannot accomplish something like this.  Ann has proven that no matter what is happening in your life you can accomplish great things with a good attitude, your best effort, and perseverance.

If you have ever wanted to earn a Black Belt now is the time!  Click here to get started!

November 08, 01:40 PM
Building Black Belt Leaders.

Here is an article about one of our Black Belt candidate students, Max Masiello.  As part of our education and as part of becoming a Black Belt at our school, our students must do some form of community service project.  Max did such a good job that he made the local news.  Of course we also do all of the kicking and punching and kunging fu, but for us being a Black Belt is about a lot more than hitting things.

Here is a link to the article about Max.

http://fairviewtowncrier.com/2012/11/a-winning-project-an-outstanding-young-man-by-lynn-stanley/

 

Click here to try a free class at our school.

August 29, 03:21 PM
Lesson: Self Confidence

For this past testing cycle our students have been working on lessons regarding self confidence.  Their assignment was to list 10 things that they have done right or wrong that has helped build self confidence.

Though all of our students did this assignment, and many of them did a great job, I would have to say that my favorite was Sergio’s project.  Here it is!

 

Please click here for more information about our school!

White Oak Martial Arts
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